by Tina Tawdre

Many t* girls spend a lot of time in bars. I know I do. Sometimes this is a result of personal lifestyle and entertainment choices, in other instances it is a reflection of how much t* social life involves gay and tranny bars. Even if you are just a social drinker in the privacy of your own or friends' homes, I hope you'll find the following advice interesting and useful.

1. Don't get drunk in public. There are few sights more pathetic than that of a queen down on her knees worshipping the porcelain goddess. Considering the state of most public restrooms, you won't like the memory the next morning. Besides it will ruin your hose, guaranteed.

2. Observe the way genetic girls (GGs) drink in public. It's the same way they do in private. They sip drinks instead of gulping them down. Sipping takes longer, so you'll drink less.

3. Girls use straws. If the bartender doesn't put a straw in your drink, ask him/her for one. If the bartender forgets again for your second drink, then he/she is either incompetent, incredibly absent-minded, or just a jerk.. Unless they have otherwise been very friendly, move to a different part of the bar, or go to a different establishment. Insist on respect, and give your business to places that give you your due.

4. Don't drink shots. They just aren't enjoyable unless you swig them in one gulp, and that just isn't lady-like (even though some GGs do). And, candidly, shots just get you drunk faster. Taboo!

5. Drink plenty of water when drinking alcohol. Alcohol dehydrates you. Dehydration can make a hangover worse. Learn to ask for a glass of water between drinks. You'll drink less, spend less, and avoid drying out your throat (which can help you maintain that pretty feminine voice).

6. Can we talk here? Don't mix sex and binge drinking. If you're at a tranny bar, and you're new to going out dressed, you may be surprised at the number of t* admirers you meet. Their attention can be very flattering, but if too much booze numbs your brain, you may stop thinking sensibly and make some terrible mistakes. Alcohol removes your inhibitions, which is another way of saying that it messes up your normal thinking processes. Keep control, and know what you're doing. You'll enjoy it more if you can remember it.

Finally, and I really mean this from the heart, DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. Take a taxi home. You'll thank yourself in the morning.